RE:think

Battle Fatigue and Sadness

I’ve been really down, sad even, the last few days and tried hard to put my finger on why. I fell asleep last night thinking and praying about it and I am pretty sure I woke up with it figured out. I am battle fatigued.

 I’ve spent the last year fighting so many battles. Some were thrust upon me and others I created myself. Some were small and petty and others were big and important. A few I needed to fight and others I probably should have let go. No matter the situation though, I’ve been through the ringer and it finally caught up.

 About a year ago I went through a horrible time with the church we were attending and serving at. It was a very low point for my family and especially me. It kicked off a period in my life that made me much more confrontational than I normally am. And that is saying something. Those who know me well are chuckling right now. It’s ok, I am too. 

 Three months ago we buried my unborn son and that was a battle I couldn’t win and did not want to fight. Our family and friends stepped up big time for us and got us through, but the effects lingered in the background and recently I’ve thought more about it as friends have either become pregnant or had babies. And while I have no hard feelings towards them (obviously) and it is not their fault, I still have to deal with it and the fight against the sadness that has returned. 

What has happened though through these two very traumatic events is that it has magnified the bad things about everything else, no matter how small. When things come up with work, the family, or with friends, my first reaction is to get on top of the situation, gear up, and go to battle. Friends, that is no way to live. It leads to mental fatigue which in turn leads to self doubt and finally into sadness. 

If I can offer any advice to you through my own experience it is this: choose your battles wisely. Not only that, fight them fairly. Confrontation can be a very normal and positive thing, but knowing when to fight and fighting fairly are not negotiable. If you must be an antagonist do it with the best of intentions. Be humble and be true. Never be vengeful or punitive. If you are, you can lose a piece of yourself. In my case it is the piece that gives me my confidence. Once that is gone, I have no fight left when then sadness takes its place. 

I am grateful for so many people who love me in spite of myself. It’s that love that always brings me back. No matter how strong we are or seem we are, the human condition still allows some room to be fragile. It’s those thin places in our lives where we need others to span the gaps and seal the cracks. So for all of you who play the role of bridge and putty in my life, I am eternally thankful.

 

Love Part IV

Love provides many things when it is at it’s best. I want to take some time and highlight a few that really mean something to me.

Security

There are many things in life that make us feel secure, but can be gone or compromised at a moments notice. Money, government, the institutional church and host of other organizations can make us feel secure. When we look closely at these those things we find that loving others and being loved can not be beaten. True love for and from your family and friends will trump them every time. True love is not fleeting. Finding our safety in those we love makes life a bit less difficult. When I am secure, I find…

Happiness

Again, we can find happiness in other places, but it is usually temporary happiness. Sure, we need money to survive and it is unfortunately very important in this world, but it can be oh so temporary. I am never happier than when I look at my wife and children. Knowing they love me and miss me when I am not there, and returning that love, makes me happy beyond any other thing in my life. Knowing I have friends who have chosen to love me gives me great joy. That leads to…

Humility

When people love us, in spite of our faults, there is no other way to be than humble. Love transcends our shortcomings. It softens our egos. It makes us the people we were meant to be. It takes the “me” out of everything and fills that place with the best of what others have in them. In loving and being loved, I am more modest, more meek, and less arrogant. I personally need this more than some and I am glad that love provides it. This in turn shows me my…

Importance

Love, more than anything else, can show us our true importance. It gives us direction and lets us know exactly where we belong. While we can find this in our financial status, through our gifts, and even our profession, nothing lets me know who I am and what I am to do more than love. Love drives me to be better. It takes me to places where I find real importance and reminds me that I matter. It gives me identity.

I hope you have found these things through your love for others and from being loved. I believe the words of Jesus when asked what was the most important of the commandments. He said it was to love God and love others. He knew what he was talking about and that we would find everything we need there. Without it we are shells of what we could be and experience life at the lowest of levels. If you aren’t finding these in those you love, you may need to reevaluate.

Now, go love someone.

RE:blog... Please Hannah Don't Hurt 'Em

Some of you are knew to my blog so I thought I'd repost some older stuff for fun.

I posted this piece a little over 3 years ago here on the blog. I know it was probably a gimme, but with all we've seen her and her Dad do the last couple of years, it seems I knew she bound to end up doing some crazy stuff...

The craze that is Hannah Montana has been one of the more amazing to come down the pike the last 10 years or so. And as the father of a 14 year old and 9 year old daughters, I have seen a few. We've been through Hillary Duff, The Olsen Twins, Lindsay Lohan, and Raven Simon. There have been others, but none have reached the level of Miley Cyrus and her Hannah Montana character.

The Disney show that bears the same name is really a pretty decent show for kids. I am sure something questionable could be found by someone with too much time on their hands and a sour attitude, but I don't have a problem with Briannah watching.

And Briannah is one of her most adoring fans. As a special treat I even sprung for the 15 bucks for her to see the Hannah in 3D deal in the movie theaters this past Friday. I know, it's a ridiculous price, but it was a special thing for her, she loves Miley, and I knew she'd have a blast. For that reason, it was a very small price in my mind. Plus, she tagged along with some friends, so I didn't have to go!

But here's the deal. How many of these teen starlets have we watched get messed up and turn into horrible people? I worry a little about BeBe, because it would hurt her and millions of other little girls should Miley take a wrong path. I was once hurt by a childhood hero (Dwight Gooden) and it wasn't cool.

Apparently the Cyrus' have a strong faith and are doing all they can to stay grounded as Miley's career skyrockets. But we've heard that kind talk before, right?

So here is a plea to Miley/Hannah, stay grounded, and don't hurt your fans the way others have. You are becoming a powerhouse, if you haven't already. Please don't mess it up. You have a chance to be so much more that all these tawdry tabloid teens turned trash. (sorry, I never go the alliteration route, but that one just felt good!)

And to Billy Ray and Momma Cyrus, take could care of your daughter. Don't be like Britney's Mom and Dad, or Lindsay's, or even the Simpson's Dad. Be real parents who do what is best for your daughter and not for your bank accounts.

Now, if I could just get that frickin' "Best of Both Worlds" song out of my head...

Technorati Tags: Hannah Montana,Miley Cyrus

 

Need Some Quick Financial Advice?

I know most of the things I end up worrying about are directly or indirectly related to money. More specifically, a lack of it. I know this is true for most people and I wanted to point you to a couple of posts by my good friend Dan. He has some awesome advice for us, especially in these uncertain economic times. You’ll not regret reading.

Live on Less Part I

Live on Less Part II

 

More Thoughts on The Voice

First, I really like this show. The process they use to get the original pool of contestants is what makes the singers on this show so much better than that Idol show. They skip the goofy, the bad and the comedic and instead look for GOOD. Hats off, it’s about time we got a singing show like that. R.I.P. American Idol, you had a good run.

Second, the judges:

They are really great, save one. Christina Aguilera is annoying. Can’t stand her.

Really liking Blake Shelton. The guy is funny, engaging, and is actually a great singer. Not something I normally see from country music where everyone sounds the same and has no range whatsoever.

Cee-Lo is awesome. I bet he’s one cool dude to party with. I imagine you’d have some of the best fun of your life. He reminds me a lot of a good friend and roommate from college.

I think Adam is probably the most thoughtful of the four and the breakout star amongst these stars. I love that he has such a good sense of humor. Plus, of the four, I’d prefer Maroon 5 over the other’s music.

I think it is fantastic that the judges actually perform fairly often on the show. I respect that.

The live set really does rival that other show’s and I love the way they use it. They have dancers where needed, and full bands backing the contestants that fit that angle. The studio almost has a rewards show feel and seems more modern than the AI set.

Finally, the final 16 contestants on the show, as a group, are so much stronger than the final 13 on American Idol. It’s not even close really. The fact that anyone is allowed to compete on this show is the reason. No age restrictions and they are much looser on previous experience (although we have seen AI loosen up there too).

If you haven’t been watching and don’t think you’d like a singing show, give it a try.

 

Representative Walter B. Jones Leads G.O.P. Effort to Withdraw Forces From Afghanistan - NYTimes.com

I could not agree more with Rep. Jones when he says:

“When you talk about war, political parties don’t matter,”

This war needs to end. We need to get the out of there. I applaud a conservative for taking this stand and for reminding everyone that we jsut can't police the world anymore. Our economy has been chaotic for years now and all the while we are pumping more money into wars that can't actually be won and that are needlessly getting our young men and women killed or scarred for life.

Conservatives and war supporters, I urge you to think on this and speak out. Put away the country songs that pull at your heart strings and make you want to kick someone's ass. We've fought the good fight against terror here at home and have been winning for 10 years now. We have no need to be in foreign countries shedding blood. This isn't a freedom issue, so drop that too. Just think long and hard, weight all the negatives, and see if you come to same conclusion on this.  

If you do come to the conclusion that we need to be there, then please tell someone in decision making capacities what the endgame there needs to be. Because right now, I haven't heard one from the those who support this useless war.

via www.nytimes.com

Love Pt. III

I have never fought in a war, but I have heard the stories. Both my granddads fought and saw some horrible and scary things. The list of terrifying things they deal with in war is very long. But when I think of terrifying and war, I think of one thing… the landmine.

Landmines and minefields can do horrific amounts of physical damage. They are an evil and brutal invention. But the emotional and psychological toll they take is nearly as bad. When it comes to sheer terror, these things are nearly second to none. The “IED” we hear so much about in Iraq is the bastard child of these things and we know the pain and terror inflicted by those.

It goes without saying, extreme caution is in order when landmines are present. One wrong move and BOOM! It’s over. The time and effort of navigating and diffusing a minefield is slow and tedious. There is nothing easy about it. They are meant to harm, scare and thwart their enemy.

You know where I am going with this. And I promise the posts about what love is “not” are winding down. I’ve just witnessed this and dealt with it so many times. It’s something we all could be more careful about.

The people we love should never have to navigate our relationships like they are walking through a minefield. Love should be full of kindness and there is nothing kind about a minefield. Love is about openness, not “don’t step there or you’ve had it”. Love should make us feel safe enough to be ourselves, not too terrified to talk or act.

We have to stop setting traps. We can’t be husbands and wives, brothers and sister if we do. You don’t spill your secrets all at once with reckless abandon, but you can’t make them sore spots that blow up when someone gets too close them. Real love doesn’t allow that. Traps are meant for enemies, not those we say we love.

Technorati Tags: love