RE:think

Love Pt. II

When I was challenged with this topic I knew almost immediately there was one crucial idea I wanted to flesh out. There is a big problem with the word love and the way we use it. This problem begins with us very early on and continues well on into adulthood. It has probably done as much damage to the concept of love as anything else.

We overuse/misuse the word to the point that it could be cheapened beyond repair.

Think about it. How often do we use the word “love”. Not much you say? Think… OK, I’ll clue you in. Ever said “I love that movie”? How about “oh, that is my favorite song, I just love it!” Or maybe you have said something like “ooooooohhhh, I love [fill in favorite celebrity].” Classic overuse of the word.

If you love everything, you love nothing?

We do not “love” any of those things or these famous people we do not know, and if we actually do, there are other problems. We may really like and enjoy those things, but we do not love them. It makes no sense. We love our family, our spouse, and our kids. We love our friends. We do not love movies. We do not love songs. We do not love Brad Pitt.

Ever wonder why a middle school kid says they “love” their boyfriend or girlfriend? We know they haven’t a clue about love, but they still say it. It’s because we have made the word too easy to use over the years. It’s a casual thing. No big deal. I have no idea when it started with kids, but I know we were throwing it around like that when I was 12. Looking back, we all know that what we were feeling was not love. WE had so few responsibilities then and nothing really cost us anything.

Cheapened!!!

So what’s the problem? Well, when we buy something cheap, do we take good care of it like we do our expensive things? No, when things come easy and cost us very little, we tend to not care for them. If thinking and saying we love something is too easy, and there is no cost associated with it, not only are we not taking care of the word itself, but we are probably not taking good care of who we say we love.

Rehab.

Really loving our family and friends takes a huge investment. It is more than SAYING we love them, especially when we consider how we have screwed up that word. Am I saying we should not or do not need to tell them? No. That is still very important. But we have to think before we use the word. When we do use it, we have to be ready to back it up with lots of action and we need to make sure we are using where we should be using it.

Do not make the mistake of treating those you really DO love the way you do the movie star or gourmet dish you SAY you love. Those are out of site, out of mind situations. Again, we do not actually love those things. They do not matter when it comes to the big picture. The people close to us are so much more important and worthy of the word “love”.

The next time you say you love something or someone, stop and think about it. See if it is actually a love situation, or if it is perhaps one of those times you are a little too excited and go overboard with your admiration. Make the word actually mean something and use it only when it is true. You will make your life easier, the people around you happier, and maybe, just maybe, we can rehabilitate the word…

Watch for part three very soon… LOVE AS A WEAPON!!!

Love Pt. I

Riley walks into my office and says “Daddy?”

“Yes, Riley?”

“I love you” he says.

I reply, “I love you too buddy.”

“Do you know how I know?”

“You better tell me!” I say with a grin.

“I just know.”

We talked a little longer and I asked him if he could describe love for me. His answer was awesome. He told me it was a feeling he got anytime he saw me or thought about me that made him want to always be there for me. Not bad for a 7 year old kid. He already knew that is was important to go beyond the feeling and make it an action.

A good friend asked me to write a blog post on the most misunderstood and abused word in the English language… love. I am happy to oblige. When I got started though, I quickly realized I would need to take it in parts. I want to keep your attention and super long blog posts are not good for that.

So watch for a couple more posts in the next few days. I’ll point some of the mistakes I think we make. I’ll talk about how we have cheapened the concept of love and how I think we can restore it to it’s true glory. Mostly, I’ll just tell you a lot of things you probably already know and do.

My Writing Process

My writing is born out of an overwhelming urge to communicate. I like to talk. Matter of fact, I like to talk too much. It’s a huge weakness. But I feel like I have something say and if I don’t let it out, I’d probably explode. Writing has been a great way to let it out, and my blog and social networking have been great vehicles.

I’ve had a couple of people ask me how I come up with a post, blog it, and how long it takes. Now, I am an amateur hack when it comes to this stuff, but there usually is a method to my madness. Get ready for a super boring post as I let you peak behind the curtain.

First of all, I can find inspiration in just about anything. My kids will say something cute. Bam! Blog post. I’ll read something interesting. Boom! You’re gonna hear about it. Something rankles me? Oh no! You the reader have to put up with me and my soap box. As life flies by me it takes so little for my interest to be piqued and the ideas start flowing.

So, I’ve got an idea, now what? Usually it ends up rolling around in my mind for a few days. While it’s there the core idea may change a few times or maybe not at all. This is my favorite part of the process I though. Probably because at this point I am stretching and growing no matter what happens next. When I feel like I am done with it, I decide if it ever makes into text.

Once I decide I’ll write a post, I’ve thought so much about it already, the first draft usually comes together in half an hour or so. Remember, I’m not writing novels or a thesis over here. After that, I run through it a couple of times more, add and take away, and then go to a proofread. I am one of the worst proof readers ever, but I am usually too scared to have someone else do it because they may say something that makes me not want to post it all.

At the point I click the “publish” button, I am terrified. Every time. It’s a good sort of terrified though. Once the post is public, I can’t bear to read it again. I know that people much brighter and wiser than I are reading and I can’t get that out of my mind once it’s online. Occasionally I will reread at this point, but I always end up seeing things I’d like to change. Sometimes I do.

So that’s about it. No tricks, nothing special. Just a guy and the things he probably thinks about too much about. Thank you so much for reading and thanks for your encouragement to me!

Life is Too Short

This post is dedicated to my good friend Yogi. He asked that I blog on this subject (like I have anything wise or profound to say HA HA) and I am happy to oblige.

This idea has been talked and written about so many times.  And it’s probably cliché at this point, but I don’t care. Life IS short. When we look at our lives through the lense of eternity, they pass in the blink of an eye. It seems just yesterday I married my love and started a family. Now none of the kids are even close to babies and almost half my life has been spent with Evette. It all goes so quickly. So here is what I think on the matter and it’s really pretty simple:

Life is too short not to love.

By loving, we can make a true and lasting mark in the 70 or so years that we spend on this earth. You will never be completely gone if you love.

By loving, we improve the lives of those around us. Show me someone who is loved and I will show a person who will never be poor.

By loving, we become the person we were meant to be. Wanna reach your full potential? Love somebody.

By loving, we learn lessons more valuable than any professor or book could teach us. Loving someone opens us up to so many experiences.

By loving, we develop patience, and as short as life is, that is something we can not do without. Loving someone means learning to do when it’s easy AND when it’s hard.

And finally, by loving, we are able to be loved. There is NOTHING better in this world than being loved.

So love big and love hard. Time is short and people need you. Don’t let pride or ego get in the way. If you love someone, tell them! Then, go out and show them! Don’t grow old and have regrets when it comes to your relationships. After all, life is too short for that…

Passive Aggressive Behavior and Social Networking (don’t be an ass)

Facebook, Twitter and other online social networks are wonderful tools and great for connecting people and extending relationships. Unfortunately, there is a dark side to these services that tempt us all. They make it easier than ever to take a shot at someone or become someone’s victim without ever mentioning their name.

I’ve done it and I’ve had it done to me. I’ve watched too many people do it. You can easily find friends, family members, and even husbands and wives behaving this way with one another online. I bet if you read your stream right now, you’d be hard pressed to go through 20 updates before seeing such a post.

I only bring this up as a warning. Don’t go this route. Be up front with people about what is bothering you or just don’t share it at all. Those paying attention know what and who we are talking about anyway (and we know this or we wouldn’t take the time the time to do it). We live in a society where responsibility is being taken less and less for ourselves and what we do and say. Be the exception.

Want more respect? Don’t play the victim. Want people to be kinder to you and listen to you? Don’t take jabs at them in this cowardly manner. In the short term it feels good to get things off our chest while retaining a modicum of deniability. But in the long run, we are only making things worse for ourselves.

If it’s worth addressing, then be up front with it. Don’t do it in an online status update. Use the skills that we humans have had for thousands of years and not the tools we’ve had for only a few. If it’s not worth addressing, then suck it up and move on.

And finally, remember, not everything that happens is someone else’s fault. It may not even be our own. It may just be circumstances and is no one’s fault. Either way, look within first, and maybe we’ll learn something. Make a stealth strike online and everyone else will. And believe me, it’s not something we want them to learn.

The Importance of Being Together

Have you ever viewed a beautiful sunset alone? Ever watched a hilariously funny or extremely moving film all by yourself? The sunset is no less beautiful and the film is still what it was intended to be, but they are just not as enjoyable as when we share them with others. When it comes to all the great things that God has given us, a key piece is that he has also given us others to share them with.

I’ve known a few loners in my life. And while this isn’t necessarily true for all of them, the ones I have met all seem as if they are missing something. They embrace their choice to walk it alone and even tell you they are happy with it, but I just don’t buy it. We weren’t created to be by by ourselves. We aren’t naturally wired to be alone. We are social creatures and just aren’t whole when we can’t or won’t find someone to connect with.

Which leads me to the point of this post:

Relationships matter, we crave companionship, and there few things more important that living and being with others.

When I look back over my life, the greatest moments never happened while I was alone. My victories were sweeter because I had those I love with me. Similarly, during the hardest times, I was surrounded by those closest to me. The sting of tragedy and disappointment was lessened. You have to have people there with you no matter what.

Now, this post is one I want you to write the rest of with me. I told you a few posts back that one of my passions is relationship development and connecting people who need to be connected. So here is what I want:

Tell me what barriers you’ve dealt with in connecting with people and sharing your life and time with others. What is the hardest thing about meeting new people to share life with? What about those you’ve know for years?

I want your feedback. I want your stories of what it has meant to you to walk alone and/or I’d love to hear about the greatest moments you’ve experienced and how they were better because you shared them with someone else.

Don Miller on Conservative and Liberal Theology...

I found this post to be VERY descriptive of me and very helpful in explaining where I am with things. I especially liked this section.

Honestly, I find myself drawn more to a conservative theology but a liberal personality. It’s sometimes torture for me to hang out with my conservative friends because they are often trying to figure out who is on their side in some kind of war. My liberal friends can be frustrating because they don’t feel a sense of urgency about anything save justice issues. And of course these are grand generalizations, but they’re based in what I believe to be objective observations of friends.

The "fists up" attitude is one that we run into often here in the south. It completely wears me out. Anyway, check out the entire post. Nothing I can add to it. Miller is a great writer and it stands on it's own.

via donmilleris.com

What’s Your Story?

(Apologies if this post is a bit rambling)

I love a good story and am a sucker for fictional reading, movies, and any manner of story telling. I also enjoy reading biographies and learning about people who have made lasting impacts on our world. Many of you who know me, know that I also find great joy in telling a good story. Matter of fact, if it is good enough in my own mind, you may have heard some more than a few times.

I’ve had the pleasure to meet and get to know many people throughout my life. They’ve all been unique and all of them have a story to tell. Some of their stories I had the honor of hearing. Others I didn’t, but I knew they were there, just under the surface. Either way, I find people and their stories fascinating.

Some of my closest friends are wonderful story tellers. I like nothing more than sitting and listening as they share episodes and chapters from their lives. I am not sure if they know how big the impact has been on me or how honored I am to know their stories.

I was once in a church group that met monthly, sometimes more. As an exercise, I suggested we all create a timeline of our lives and place points of great importance or impact on the timeline. The things have marked our lives. Then, as we shared them with one another, we could watch our stories unfold.

As I worked on my own, I could see my story coming together. I was forced to revisit many things that I hadn’t thought about in a while. Some were good, other were tough, but they came together and and my story took shape. In doing this exercise, the most amazing thing happened: I came face to face with the things that made me who I am.

When the group got together and I shared my timeline, I found that sharing my story with people I trusted was more than worth while. Confronting where I had been, what I had done, and doing so without pulling punches or sugar coating anything was very liberating. After this experience, and over the past few years I have found more people I trust and I have shared with them. In turn they have done the same. It’s been life changing.

Almost as important as knowing and telling my story, I have since become very aware of living it and who I am living it with. See, as long as we are breathing, our story goes on. Many times, it continues on after we are gone through those we love or the differences we may have made.

Now, am I asking you to go back and relive horrible times in your life? Not at all. I was able to, but I realize some can’t. At the very least however, be cognizant that your story is ever evolving. Some chapters will be tough while others will be beautiful and easy. Some characters will come and others will go. But as sure as the sun rises, it will go on.

The point is, we all have a story to tell and we all have a story to live out. Ultimately, your story is what you make it. Tell it everyday as you love and do so with courage and conviction. I am convinced that any of us can be the hero of our tale. We may not be slaying dragons or becoming unlikely princesses, but the things we do are that important to those closest to us and our stories bind us together. The great part is, we wake up every morning with a fresh pen and a blank sheet of paper. Be the hero!

So, what’s your story?

Who is your Neighbor?

"There was once a good Christian man traveling from LA to San Francisco. On the way he was carjacked by some thugs. They took his clothes, beat him up, and went off leaving him half-dead. Luckily, a Pastor was driving down the same road, but when he saw him he angled across to the other side. Then a popular worship leader from a nearby church showed up; he also avoided the injured man.

"A Muslim man was traveling down the road and happened upon him. When he saw the man's condition, his heart went out to him. He gave him first aid, disinfecting and bandaging his wounds. Then he lifted him into his car, took him to a hospital, and made certain he was cared for. In the morning he took out his wallet and gave them all his money, saying, 'Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my bill-call me and I will take care of it'

What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by thugs? The one who treated him kindly.

As Jesus said, go and do the same.

Bin Laden, STILL Wreaking Havoc

Unless you’ve been living under the proverbial rock, you know that America’s most hated enemy was found and killed. Yes, the mastermind behind multiple terror attacks and the most infamous ever on 9/11, is no more. President Obama briefed us late last night with the news.

As Obama briefed the nation, he talked about the unity of our nation following 9/11/2001. The days after those horrible attacks we weren’t Democrat and Republican, we were Americans. I remember it well. I remember how good it felt.

I thought that reminding us of those times as we closed this particular chapter in the war on terror would pull us all together again, even if for a short time. Maybe this event would serve as another rallying point. I only thought this for a brief moment though. I also remember, all to well, how divided we’ve been the last 10 years.

Sure enough, today, Bin Laden still has our number and is still messes with us from the grave. So much bickering. Accusations of lies. Conspiracy theories. Partisans are using this event to further their agendas. Wack jobs everywhere are taking the event and widening the divisions that we already have. It’s sad.

So Bin Laden is still winning. Even in death he has us at each other’s throats. His minions are still out there, ready to execute his plans of terror and we are still here, hating one another with the same fervor they hate us with.

Wake up America.