RE:think

Life

Life is really good right now. We are so blessed in spite of all the things that could get in the way of our joy. So here are a few things we have going on that are making life so great:

• Watching the beginnings of Briannah’s basketball career has been so much fun for me. I love sitting and talking about the game with her. It’s awesome when you see your kids put everything into something they love.
• Working with Ricky through his current struggles with school are hard, but it’s great for our Father/Son relationship. He is such a good and sweet kid. Wears his emotions on his sleeve just like his Daddy. That’s a good connecting point for us.
• Seeing Zxyan in grow into a young lady as she approaches her Sweet 16. I am so very proud of her. I love having more grownup type interactions. I can’t believe she’s about to be of driving age and graduating from high school in a couple of years.
• Enjoying Riley and his ever present humor. He is the funniest kid I know, hands down. And he is the self proclaimed “Daddy’s buddy”. That feels pretty good people.
• Celebrating 14 years of marriage last week with my love. We’ve done very well together when so many people we have known can’t say the same. I can truly say that things only get better.
• We are really starting to fit in at the church we started attending about 4 months ago, Grace Church in Kingsport. Both of us have become involved in the worship ministry lately and it’s making me more comfortable.
• Work has been busy and down right hard the last few months, but I have scored many victories lately. I’ve never been defined by my job, but it feels nice to do well.
• Reconnecting with so many old friends has been great. It’s a cool time we live where interacting with people important to our pasts is so easy.
• Learning more about and getting to closer to new friends. New friends aren’t better than old ones, but they sure can make life more interesting
• When so many people are jobless and not making ends meet, we have our own home, keep our bills paid, and always eat well.

Just wanted run down some “good” since I tend to talk about the bad more than I should. Those who pray and have prayed for us please keep praying. Should you need anything, please feel free to let us know. We’ll do whatever we can.

Above all, God is so good.

An Interracial Marriage: Others

This is the one that may be best saved to the end, but I am going to write it now. It is the one thing that we have to deal with more than any other.

Being in an interracial marriage is like being a part of just about anything: it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Nope, unfortunately you have to deal with other people and their ideas about you and your mate. That becomes a little more interesting when you don’t look like each other.  (:

I want to talk about a few scenarios. One or more may surprise. Please remember, I can only speak from my own experience and location. While some things are universal no matter where you live, there may be different levels of these things from place to place.

Public Acceptance

Evette and I have been married for 14 years and have been together for nearly 15. When we started dating in 1995, the majority of people were still not ready for or used to the idea of an interracial couple, never mind the white male/black female combo. No, we endured our fair share of “looks” and whispers. There were times it was just annoying and other times it really hurt.

How is it now that the world is enlightened and “post-racial”? Not much different. Things are probably a little better and we find more acceptance than we did then, but there are still plenty of people who will stare and whisper. Lots of noses still go up and you can almost smell contempt coming from some.

Most people, even those who know us, probably don’t even realize we still endure this almost every time we are out in public together. And while I have learned to ignore it, I have chosen more and more lately not to. It’s not a horrible thing to acknowledge where things stand.

Family and Friends

This is one place we have been more than blessed. Our families and friends have been great. We’ve never had any real problems of acceptance coming from those we love and who love us. But this something I personally know is not always true.

A previous out of race relationship I had was rough. There were times it got to be very ugly. The relationship ended up being completely defined by our race and in the end, neither of us could handle it and continue on. While things weren’t always bad, I look back to that time as one of the most miserable in my life. It is unfortunate, but this is the experience of many mixed couples. Praise God it is not like this for Evette and I.

Arms Length

To me, this is the thing I find myself dealing with most lately. My experience in a mixed couple has shown me that more times than not, people keep us, as a couple, at arms length. I’m not always sure why, and I don’t always like it, but it is a reality.

We have currently have no friends as a couple right now in spite of trying. We rarely if ever get to do couples things and when we have, others, while accepting, don’t know how to take us. I know this because when I am around some of the same people by myself, the vibe is very different. Usually it seems like we just sort of get left out. It’s very strange and I would be interested to know if other mixed couples experience this. I have a theory though.

Most of my close friends are white, as are their spouses. So it is more of a challenge for their spouse to relate to my spouse. The opposite is probably true too. Evette and I are cool with anyone, because we are in a situation where we can’t be any other way. When others are living their lives in a mostly black or mostly white world, they do not need to think about relating to those who aren’t like them as an everyday, every hour, every minute exercise.

We know we probably share some responsibility here, but we try really hard. We just wish others would try at least as hard as we do. And we have had some married friends that we’ve had great times with. We just happen to be in different places at the moment.

I may have to continue this one later or mesh it into other subjects. I don’t want these posts to go too long. The first few posts are meant more as a primer anyway. Both to get me going and get you caught up. I’ll get more in depth later.

As always, feel free to comment or ask questions!

An Interracial Marriage: Prologue

This series of posts has been brewing for a while. So I figured I’d sit down and get to work. I also hope to get Evette to help out with it. She doesn’t know yet though. :)

I want to do it for a number of reasons, and here are a few:

1. I think it could be helpful for other couples like us. Things are still far from perfect for interracial couples.

2. I think it may be helpful for those who know us or are acquainted with us. As outgoing as both of us are, as a couple you’d be surprised that we have sometimes have a hard time fitting into some situations.

3. It will be good for me. It’s easy to forget the uniqueness of our marriage and all that comes a long with it.

4. Something for my kids to read one day. Even though “interracial” doesn’t completely define us, it is a huge part of who we are and why we are the way we are.

5. It’s something I can be passionate about and will get me posting again.

So, I hope you enjoy and it is something you can take something away from.