Life can be hard. The world is a tough place. There is always something around the corner ready to chew you up and spit you out. I know some would deny this, as crazy as that is, but it is as true as anything I know. Life is what we make, but it’s still never going to be all roses.
For nearly every success, there is a failure to deal with. It’s simply a part of life. And it is very important that we learn how to handle both.
I hate to fail. And let me tell you, I have done plenty of it. Even tougher than me failing is seeing one of my kids fail. It is heartbreaking when things don’t go their way. My heart wants me to step in and do whatever I can to either make it not happen or fix it when it does. But like my own tough situations, I can not always make the difference.
Then I remember how important these stumbles, failures, losses, and tough times are in strengthening us (and our children). They teach us, in small increments, that sometimes things just won’t be handed to us. All the little failures I endured growing up were teaching me something. I learned that the world can be a hard place and that sometimes things wouldn’t go my way. I also learned the flip side. I learned that in spite of those things I could pick myself up and move on. I learned just how sweet all the “wins” were through the defeats.
This brings me to the event that caused me to even think these things over. My daughter is playing here first year of organized basketball. At 10, I guess it’s a little late, but it doesn’t matter. She plays hard, hustles, shoots well, and is a terror on defense. She needs to work on her dribbling, but I can let that slide. :) If she works hard and continues to love the game like she does right now, she will be a very good player.
Last night was her second game (they’ve won both!) and I learned something very odd about her league. They went up 16-5 late in the first half. As the other team inbounded the ball, one of our young ladies went for a steal and the ref blows the whistle and calls “backcourt”. He lets their opponent inbound again and our coach tells the girls to get down the court.
I asked one of the other Dad’s in front of me what this was all about. He went on to tell me they have a rule that if a team goes up by more than ten, they can not play defense until the offense of the team that is behind crosses the half court line. Well, our girls were confused and did it couple of more times. Now the other team is getting free throws. They literally had to let the other team fast break to the half court line to not be penalized!
I was incredulous! What a crazy rule! I asked the other Dad how the kids would ever learn that the world is not going to slow down for them with such rules. The real world is not going to give them a pass and they need to learn these things now. We are talking about 10-12 year olds, not 5 year olds!
He agreed but his wife said “well, you might think differently if it were our girls down by that much.” I said “No way!” I want my daughter to know that she will not always win and that she won’t be able to expect a bail out when she can’t. I would not like it, and would hurt for her, but she has to learn.
This is why I refuse to let my kids play in leagues that do not keep score and where everyone “wins”. They can and will miss some important lessons. We have to be willing to let our kids learn how things really are. We have to, dare I say it, let them have their failures. I was raised that way and feel like I am better for it.
What I am saying may not be popular. It may get some ugly comments directed my way. But I it is what I believe. The world is not all cotton candy and Kum Bye Ya. Acting like competition does not exist and thinking it will go away is a pipe dream. Things are not always fair. That doesn’t mean we don’t carry ourselves with grace and kindness. It means we do those things that much more. But at the same time, we don’t sit and wait for do-overs and bail outs. They are either not coming, or if they do, won’t truly fix a thing.
OK, let me have it! Tell me how horrible and mean I am… Set me straight! ;)
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